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all is lost


8/17/07 02:41 pm - eat me

fresh from last night:

there is a large stainless mixing bowl in front of me and I pour myself into it. I stop just short of pouring everything, but the remaining bits of me are negligible so i shrug, think, 'what the hell' and pour all of me into the bowl.

then i add some butter and start mixing. some breadcrumbs, spices. i stir everything together with my hands and then start forming a giant meatball. after it's finished i hold it up and think, mmm.. that's a tasty meatball.

on waking i realize the error in my dream of adding butter instead of raw egg, but the thought of raw egg upon my skin weirds me out and i forgive myself this indiscretion.

so this weekend i plan on making some albondigas soup, probably paired with a nice cabernet.

8/13/07 09:27 pm - the search

while searching for tutorials on how to sculpt with plaster i came across the death mask of nietzsche:

and while we're on the subject of dreams, here's one i had the other night:

i dreamed that jeff's family was trying to surgically make me white. i was in a doctor's office and they were measuring my facial features and calculating how best to make me a caucasian. first, my eyes should be less almond shaped. then, of course, my skin should be lightened. the hair was by far the easiest.

in a panic, i made my escape. i said over and over again that i didn't want to be white. i ran out of the doctor's office and made it back to the apartment i shared with two other girls. i packed my bags as they cried for me and gifted them with the possessions i couldn't carry with me. they wished me well as i made my way down to the cab. the cab driver was a gruff harley-davidson kinda guy. he could tell i was on the lam and helped me out a bit. somewhere along the way i left the cabdriver and decided to run on foot.

this is where it gets kinda weird. the monster from the korean movie the host was running through the streets eating people alive. i was running against the tide and i came across grace, dressed in green and looking beautiful. our eyes met and as she passed me i grabbed her hand and dragged her along behind me.

it reminded me of the story of orpheus and eurydice. after she died, orpheus was allowed to rescue her from hades, on the rule that he should not look back once during the exodus. this was the last thing i remember. i grabbed grace's hand and ran without looking back. decidedly, not looking back.

8/11/07 02:08 pm - choice words

an excerpt from the cookbook, Super Natural Cooking, in describing a buckwheat noodle salad of the same name:

In Japanese, otsu means something strange, quaint, stylish, chic, spicy, witty, tasty, or romantic.'s word-of-the-day for Monday, January 30, 2006:

sang-froid \sang-FRWAH\, noun;
also sangfroid:
Freedom from agitation or excitement of mind; coolness in trying circumstances; calmness.
In French, the literal translation is "cold blood".

8/6/07 08:20 pm - reality television crush?

gordon ramsay.

7/29/07 05:10 pm - the adolescents

one of my coworkers mentioned he was going to go see the adolescents last night at emo's. i had completely forgotten about the show. i left work a couple hours early and went.

wow. it was an awesome show.

i didn't get to go in the pit that much because i went straight from work and i was still wearing work clothes. i debated it, but i'm pretty certain i would have lost my shoes and barefoot at emo's probably wouldn't work. i still got a few good shoves in.

afterwards i hung out with steve soto and we talked about fullerton, the doll hut, my ex-boyfriend (who's rikk agnew's godson), and a bunch of other OC crap. i love that about emo's. instead of retreating backstage the bands just sort of hang out. i got to talk to devendra banhardt last time, too. and gogol bordello.

i've been having a lot of strange dreams lately.
they creep up on me in the middle of the day. something will remind me and suddenly i'll have this flashback of a dream. dream, baby, dream.

i should write eric.

7/28/07 03:06 pm

the boys the boys
marvin and business (aka busy b)


7/18/07 08:12 pm - so you want to be a hero?

i <3 so you think you can dance?

that is all.

7/15/07 09:35 pm - hrm..

sensible dancing shoes or hot as fuck boots?

is there even a question?

7/13/07 12:25 pm - return of the galaga queen

highlight of last night: noticing the galaga table game in the corner of the bar. after asking a few guys if they minded moving their beers so i could play, one of them comments that he's pretty good at galaga.

"i'm pretty sure you're not as good as i am."

oh ho! his friends give him some shit and he asks if i'm challenging him.

"oh no. i'm just saying i'm very good. i have 45 minute games. i give up out of boredom."

him: "i think you are challenging me."

so then it's on. someone runs to get quarters and a small crowd starts to form. we sit down, i'm first. i suggest he go get a fresh beer and relax, this is going to take a while.

and, of course, i beat his ass. among the ooohs and aaahs from the crowd, i hear things like, "she's amazing!" "a galaga goddess!" "a galaga guru!" and of course, "the galaga QUEEN"

i field questions as i play.
do you have this game at home or something? no.
did you play this game a lot as a kid? the coffeeshop i frequented had a table game
you're the best i've ever seen! this is actually a bad game for me. i haven't played in a long time.

two additional challenges follow before i tire and get up. the crowd parts and i return to my pool-playing friends who are just staring at me like i'm a complete stranger.
yes, i am a crowd drawing galaga queen resurrected from the 80s. thanks.

7/12/07 06:20 pm - the killers + louise brooks

thanks, snosage

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